Why Language Matters

In this blog post we hear from NSPA Lived Experience Influencer, Hollie Starling. Hollie shares her reflections on the impact of language on stigma surrounding suicide and her involvement in the working group for the NSPA’s Language Matters campaign.

A celebrity has died suddenly, and you walk into your office to find everyone discussing the one type of news story you always try so hard to avoid. Your otherwise kind and patient GP glances through your medical records and notes a ‘credible attempt’ some years back. A good friend, a person whom you love, still uses the word ‘commit’ and you wonder whether voicing the pain of hearing this allusion to what was once the crime of suicide is worth derailing a perfectly lovely lunch.

Some of these scenarios may be familiar to you. As a person bereaved by suicide, I feel particularly attuned to these discordant notes whenever they appear at unexpected times. I am certain my dad heard a variation of these throughout his life, before it ended far too early. 

How we talk about suicide matters. I am a Lived Experience Influencer with NSPA and over the past few months I have been part of the working group for this year’s World Suicide Prevention Day, helping to plan and develop a campaign around stigma. Our group decided on the theme ‘Language Matters.’ It is a value we all felt strongly about, informed by a great deal of personal and professional experience. We agreed that while awareness around suicidal behaviours has broadly improved over recent years, misguided and outdated language is still contributing harm. I can particularly relate to this, as language has had a significant bearing on my personal journey with suicide grief. 

Misguided and outdated language is still contributing harm

Our Language Matters campaign is about the real-world impact of the words we use. People who have had little first hand experience may have their ideas around suicide almost entirely influenced by news stories. They may see phrases like ‘a cry for help’ or discussions of method and they may form beliefs about what ‘type’ of person experiences suicidal thoughts, and what this might say about a person’s character. Responsible media reporting is therefore vital in combating stigma, with meticulous attention to language helping to minimise the contagion effect. 

Sometimes it is too easily assumed that the ‘correct’ language is already known. Teachers, social workers and job centre advisors are all professionals that may come into contact with individuals struggling with suicidal feelings, yet any ‘script’ they possess to navigate an intervention is usually self-guided. Even GPs, qualified and willing to arrange support, may have little direct training in the conversation needed to make their patient feel able to accept that support.

Stigma can affect anyone

Past interactions can inform feelings of isolation and shame that many people experience when trying to give voice to their suicidal ideation. Such internalised stigma is compounded by pervasive cultural beliefs around gender, age, class and health status, making accessing help even harder for those demographics who don’t typically present to mental health services. Perhaps they think they will be laughed at, condemned as weak or not taken seriously.

Stigma can affect anyone. That is why being mindful of our language is not just for professionals and organisations, but work we should all be doing. Avoiding stigmatising language and refraining from sharing sensationalised or speculative news stories on social media is best practice, as we cannot know our audience. ‘Finding the right words’ is something many of us struggle with in approaching loved ones, or indeed strangers, who we might fear are contemplating causing themselves harm. However, it is important to know that you cannot give someone the idea to attempt suicide. Be gentle, but do have the conversation. Know that a word of concern is no small thing; it might be the crucial refutation to the belief that no one cares. It could be the first link in a chain that matches need with resource.

Language matters most when it tell us we are not alone

This campaign is not about policing behaviour, trying to catch people out or shame them for getting things wrong. I have certainly used words around this topic mindlessly before. None of us is perfect. Imperfection is forgivable but, when the stakes are this high, inaction is not. When language is inclusive it allows signposting to mean something, to reassure people they will find compassion when they reach out. Expressing myself through written language brought me enormous comfort during the most difficult period in my life. I wrote every day, first as a diary and then later as a book. That book was both a tribute to my dad and a symbol of endurance for myself. Because language is our link to one another, the most basic force we have for relieving our burdens and comprehending how much of our interior landscape we all have in common. Language matters most when it tells us we are not alone.

About the author

Hollie Starling is a Lincolnshire-born writer working in London. You can find out more on her website.